The Meaning of Fear
by KayValo87
Summary: After Adam's return from college ends in a face off with a killer, what happens when the youngest Cartwright tries to prove he is just as brave as his brother?


Hello again.

Everyone seemed to like the last one shot I did, so here is another.

A big thanks to Freya-Kendra for her wonderful beta work and 1monster2 for acting as a sounding board. You're both awesome. :)

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own the Ponderosa or anything recognizable in this story.

Enjoy ...

* * *

Adam smiled out the window of the stage, recognizing every mile of land they passed. The last four years at college had been great, but nothing compared to coming home. Based on the last batch of letters, Hoss was taller than him now and Joe had grown at least half a foot since last he saw him. He couldn't wait to see them.

"What you grinnin' at?"

And of course there was also the idea of being rid of his present company. Though the two ladies on their way to California were quite pleasant, the murderer on his way to his own hanging Adam could do without. The marshal had given them all the option taking a later stage, but he had waited long enough to get back to his family and the ladies shared his sentiment. But now, so close to home, even the grumblings of one Jacob Moore couldn't bring him down.

"He's probably happy that he will finally be rid of you."

Maureen McCluskey's quip only made his smile wider. She and her younger sister, Kathleen, had been his traveling companions since Boston and were the highlight of the trip … even if Maureen did whack his hand with her umbrella when she thought it was getting too close to Kathleen. Luckily, the bruise had faded in the last thousand miles as it was not something he would want to explain to Hoss or Joe.

"How far are we from Virginia City?" Kathleen asked sweetly.

"Oh, not far now. We should be there in a few minutes," Adam replied, taking his eyes off the dusty landscape to the red haired beauty two seats over. "My offer still stands if you want to stay around."

"One night in town will be plenty for us, Mr. Cartwright," Maureen stated firmly. "No need to put your family out."

Kathleen looked disappointed, but then so was Adam. He had hoped for a bit more time with the sisters, particularly the younger one, but big sister's word was final. In any case, he didn't get a chance to respond before the driver called out to announce their arrival. Not soon enough they were pulling up to the hotel, his family waiting nearby.

"Adam!" Little Joe called, running up to hug him as soon as he stepped out of the stage.

"Did you miss me?" he teased, returning the hug.

"We all did," his father stated, stepping forward to take his hand. "Welcome home son."

"It's good to be home, Pa."

Little Joe stepped back enough to allow Adam to greet Hoss, but still stuck to his side. Not that Adam was eager to break contact. Such displays of affection were rare between men and, at age nine, Little Joe was still young enough to get away with it.

"I'd like you to meet my traveling companions," Adam started, motioning to the McCluskey sisters. "This is Maureen and Kathleen McCluskey, they are on their way to join their brother in California. Ladies, this is my father, Ben, and my brothers, Hoss and Little Joe."

"Pleasure, ma'am," Hoss said, tipping his hat. "Welcome to Virginia City."

"My," Kathleen smiled at the teen. "Are all people out west this friendly, or it is just you Cartwrights?"

"Let's hope not all of them are as _friendly_ as his brother," Maureen commented, tightening her grip on her umbrella.

While Hoss gave Adam a knowing smile, Ben only raised his eyebrow. Adam just shrugged; it wasn't as if he hadn't come across girls like Kathleen before. Too bad there were always people like Maureen around to-

"No," Joe's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Hoss is a lot friendlier than Adam. Ask anyone."

Adam barely managed to avoid bursting out laughing as Hoss turned red. Ah youth, sweet innocent youth, there was nothing else like it. However, the sisters seemed to have the same idea … or at least Kathleen did. Maureen gave Hoss a disapproving look that had him stammering to explain. Slinging his arm around Little Joe's shoulders, Adam was looking forward to seeing how his little brother was going to climb out of this hole- when a gunshot ripped through the peaceful afternoon. Instinctively turning toward the sound, Adam got his youngest brother halfway behind him before the sight of the smoking barrel stopped him dead in his tracks. He spared the fallen marshal a glance, only long enough to see his was alive, before his eyes locked on Jacob Moore. The lawman's gun in his hands and a dark look in his eye, it wouldn't take much for the killer to kill again.

"Make a move, Cartwright, and the next one goes into the boy."

Adam tensed at his words, as did Little Joe. Only partially shielded, his baby brother was still an easy target and he knew Moore would have no problem shooting a kid. He slowly raised his hands in a placating manner, subtly moving between the gunman and Little Joe. It was only after he was sure the boy was out of the line of fire that he lunged forward, lifting the gun and punching Moore in the face. Dazed by the sudden blow, the gunman stumbled back as several other men rushed forward to disarm and detain him.

"You alright, marshal?" Adam questioned, turning his attention to his former companion.

"It's just in the leg," the lawman grunted. "I'll live."

Adam helped him up before handing him over to some men to be taken to the doctor. Next order of business was checking on his brothers. Hoss seemed fine, assuring the sisters fights like that were not common place, and Little Joe was standing by the wheel of the stage watching the sheriff drag Moore off to jail.

"You alright, little brother?"

He nodded, but seemed shaken. Giving the boy a smile, Adam wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him back to their wagon.

"Come on, let's go home."

**P*O*N*D*E*R*O*S*A**

"… and he took him down, just like that," Joe finished proudly. "Didn't even see what hit him."

The boys around him shook their heads in amazement, no doubt wishing their older brothers were as great as Joe's. And why wouldn't they? College educated and tougher than a grizzly bear, no one was better to have in a tight spot than Adam Cartwright.

"Your brother really took down a killer? By himself?" Freddy Wilcox questioned.

"Sure did."

"Why didn't he just shoot him?" Andrew Marlow wondered.

"Pa says to only kill if you have to," Little Joe replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "Besides, Adam didn't need a gun to bring down one killer."

"And he wasn't scared?" Tom Palmer piped up.

Joe scoffed at the idea, looking across the street to where his family was seeing off the McCluskey sisters. Adam scared? You might as well have asked if Ben was scared, or Hoss. Joe had seen them face down angry bulls, hissing rattlers, and more than their share of angry neighbors.

"You kidding? My family ain't scared of nothing."

"Then you must not be related," Willy Dabney sneered, turning the corner with his friends.

Scowling at the intrusion, Joe reminded himself what his brothers had said about listening to the older boy. Of course, he also had instructions to inform one of them if Willy ever bothered him. And if there was one thing Willy Dabney feared, it was Joe's brothers.

"Take off Willy."

"Or what? You'll run and hide behind your big brother?"

"I don't need them to handle you."

"Sure," Willy smirked. "You didn't think that yesterday."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you when that killer shot the marshal. You were hiding behind your big brother like a whipped puppy."

"Was not!"

But he had been. He had been terrified when that man had pointed his gun right at him. Adam had moved in the way and Joe had let him. His father and brothers may be the bravest men in all of Nevada, but Joe was nothing but a scared little kid. A coward.

"Joe is just as brave as any of 'em," Jesse Mathews stated.

"Yeah?" the older boy sneered. "Prove it."

Strengthened by his best friend's defense, Joe held his head high as he faced Willy. Jesse was right. Joe was Cartwright, and no Cartwright was a coward.

"Just name it, I'll do it."

**P*O*N*D*E*R*O*S*A**

Ben waved to the McCluskey sisters as the stage pulled away. With the marshal laid up, Jacob Moore was going to be a guest of the local jail until another could be dispatched. So the pair was on their own for the final part of their journey; but at least they would have a more pleasant trip without a murderer in their company.

"I don't know, Pa," Adam said. "Maybe I should have gone with them to California, made sure they got there okay."

"Adam," Ben clapped him on the shoulder. "From what I've seen, Maureen McCluskey is more dangerous with that umbrella than anything they might run into on the road."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," his eldest sighed.

Pulling him along, Ben was halfway to their horses when Hoss hurried up. If his speed wasn't an indication that something was wrong, the look on his face was. Forcing himself to stay calm until he had reason to be otherwise, Ben faced his son.

"What's the matter?"

"Pa, I can't find Little Joe."

"What?" Adam exclaimed.

"He was with his friends over there," Hoss explained, pointing toward the general store. "I just went inside for a minute and when I came back they were gone."

"Little Joe knows better than to run off," Ben said, half to himself. "Those boys are probably playing around here somewhere."

"That's what I thought too, only I can't find them nowhere."

"His horse is still here," Adam commented, motioning toward the animal. "Wherever they went, it was on foot."

"Yeah, but I checked the whole town," Hoss insisted. "Dadgummit, where is that boy?"

Ben was thinking the exact same thing. If they weren't in town, and Joe didn't take his horse, that didn't leave many options. They could have gone down to the stream, but that was a bit far and Little Joe would have told them if he headed that way. He would have told them if he was going anywhere … unless it was somewhere that the boys weren't supposed to be …

"Hoss, did you check the Montgomery house?"

"Uh … no," Hos looked confused. "But Pa, Little Joe knows better than to go around that old place."

"You think that's where they are?" Adam asked seriously.

"Can you think of anywhere else a group of young boys would go without telling anyone?"

Based the grim looks on their faces, they knew he was right. As the three rushed toward the decrepit house on the edge of town, Ben prayed they wouldn't be too late.

**P*O*N*D*E*R*O*S*A**

Hoss hurried ahead of the others, hoping that they were wrong but knowing deep down they weren't. Why would Little Joe have come out here? Why would he leave town at all? The sound of young voices made him pause, but only for a moment. He didn't hear Joe's, but he caught a few he recognized as his brother's friends.

"You better be okay when I find you," he muttered under his breath as he pushed forward.

Coming into the clearing, he glared down at the boys gathered there. Most didn't notice him, but those who did looked scared. Whether that was because they got caught or something else, Hoss didn't care. The only thing he cared about was finding Little Joe, who was not part of the group in front of him. However, they probably knew where he was … particularly the boy who tried to run the second he saw Hoss.

"No you don't," he growled, grabbing the boy by the collar.

He recognized him: Willy Dabney, the town's biggest troublemaker. The kid had caused nothing but trouble for Little Joe since the day he'd started school. If Willy had something to do with his brother's disappearance-

"Hoss!" his father called, entering the clearing.

"He was trying to run, Pa."

"I didn't do nothing!" the boy yelled, trying to break out of the teen's grip.

"Then why did you run?" Adam demanded.

For once Willy Dabney fell silent, as did all the other boys, some of whom had been ready to bolt themselves before the rest of Hoss' family showed up. Standing over the boys, Ben Cartwright gave them a look that could turn the most ruthless killer to jelly.

"Alright, boys," he started firmly. "I'm not going to punish you, that is a job for your parents, but I am going to ask you a question and you had better be honest with me. Is Little Joe in that house?"

"N-no Mr. Cartwright," one of the boys stammered.

"Where is he?"

"He's … um … on it."

Confused, Hoss looked up and almost wished he hadn't. Perched on the second floor roof, with one hand on the ridge-beam, was his youngest brother.

"Joseph!" Ben snapped, clearly having looked up as well. "You get down from there!"

Even from a distance, Hoss could see the fear on Little Joe's face. Whether it was caused by the height or the anger in their father's voice, he couldn't say, but slowly his brother started to rise and make his way toward a third floor window. Suddenly there was the sound of groaning wood and in an instant the roof gave way under Little Joe's feet. Before Hoss could even yell out a warning, his brother had vanished into the rafters.

**P*O*N*D*E*R*O*S*A**

Adam paced the doctor's office, wondering for the hundredth time what could be taking so long. His heart had stopped when he saw Little Joe fall through that roof and didn't start again until he was holding the boy in his arms, alive but unconscious. He ran the whole way back to town, praying his brother would be alright … so he could skin him alive for scaring them like that.

"Would you sit down," Hoss grumbled from his seat by the door. "You're making me edgy."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Adam took a seat next to his brother, but was up again a moment later. Worry, anger, fear; not one of his emotions seemed to be letting him stay still for more than a second.

"What was Little Joe doing on that roof in the first place?" he snapped, as if Hoss could know.

"I don't know," Hoss replied, glaring at the door to the street. "But I have a feeling that Willy Dabney had something to do with it."

Adam had to agree and made a mental note to keep an eye on that boy in the future. Before he had left for college, Willy Dabney had been a devious little hellion, but it had mostly been confined to spreading rumors and name calling. Those acts weren't exactly harmless, but no one got hurt over them. How much had things changed in four years?

"Has Willy given Little Joe much trouble?"

"About the same as before," Hoss answered, suddenly remorseful. "I've tried to keep Little Joe away from him, chased him off a few times. Maybe if I had seen him around the store-"

"It's not your fault," Adam assured him, taking his seat again. "The little weasel would have found a way past you anyhow."

Hoss nodded, looking up when their father came in from the street. Not bothering to shed his coat or gun, Ben headed straight for the brothers.

"Any news on Little Joe?"

"Nothing yet," Hoss replied grimly. "How did things go for you?"

"Buying the Montgomery place was easy enough; now I just need to get that place torn down before someone else gets hurt."

Adam nodded in agreement. That old house had been rotting away for as long as he could remember. There was a local legend about the place being haunted by old man Montgomery, but Adam never put much stock in ghost stories; at least not since … since he was Little Joe's age.

"Mr. Cartwright?"

"Doctor," Ben replied as the three stepped over to the middle-aged man. "How is he?"

"He's got a good size bump on his head and a bad sprain to his left ankle, but he is going to be just fine."

"Thank God," Adam breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can we see him?" Hoss questioned.

"Sure. He's inside resting."

Ben went in first, followed by Adam then Hoss. Little Joe was lying on the bed, a bandage wrapped all the way around his head. He looked up when they came in before turning his gaze to the blankets spread over his lap.

"Joseph," his father stated, gently but firmly.

"Yes, Pa?"

"Would you care to explain what happened today?"

"I was … I just … I wanted to be like Adam."

Stunned at the statement, Adam took a seat on the edge of the bed, mindful of Joe's injured leg. Little Joe turned away, now looking at the floor, but the older brother could see tears threatening to fall.

"Now why would you think climbing on a roof would make you like me?"

"Because … Because I had to prove I was brave, like you were when you took down that killer."

That's what this was about? When he'd punched Jacob Moore? Then again, he could imagine how that would have looked to his brother, to all the young boys in town.

"Little Joe," Ben began in a calming tone. "A man who is truly brave does not have to prove himself to anyone. It is shown in his actions."

"But that's what I was trying to do," the boy insisted. "I had to show them that I wasn't afraid."

"You didn't have to show them anything," Hoss stated.

"Easy for you to say," Little Joe snapped, tears starting to run down his cheeks. "You three aren't scared of anything, but me … how can I be a Cartwright if I'm a coward?"

"Having fear doesn't make you a coward," Ben said softly, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder. "It just makes you human."

"We all get scared sometimes," Adam said casually. "I was afraid of Jacob Moore."

Joe turned to stare at him as it he had just sprouted a second head, for that matter, so did Hoss. Adam was surprised he had said it himself, but he would rather admit every weakness he had than risk either of his brothers getting hurt. So he just gave them a shrug.

"There was an old Greek playwright that said; there are times when fear is good. It must keep its watchful place at the heart's controls."

"That Greek playwright was right," Ben added, taking a seat in a chair next to the bed. "I myself get scared more than I would care to admit."

"But what could scare you?" Joe wondered.

"Yesterday, it was seeing a killer aiming a gun at two of my boys," their father replied seriously. "And today, when you went through that roof, I was afraid that I might have lost you."

"See Little Joe," Hoss interjected. "We all get scared sometimes. The trick is knowing when to face it and when it's okay to give in."

"Like climbing on an old roof?" Joe asked quietly.

"Exactly like that," Adam replied, getting to his feet.

As their father went out to make sure there was nothing Joe needed before heading home, the two older brothers helped him up onto his horse. It was going to be rough on his ankle, but as long as they took it slow, it shouldn't be that bad.

"Hey, Hoss?"

"Yeah, Little Joe?"

"You never said what scared you?"

"Oh … um, it's-"

"That's easy," Adam cut in with a grin. "A cute little gal named, what was it again, Susan Perkins?"

"You're scared of a girl!" Little Joe exclaimed.

Hoss turned red, trying to form a response as the other two burst out laughing. They managed to get it under control when Ben came out, but he didn't bother to ask. The trip back was slow and quiet, no doubt because each of them was thinking about the day's events. Even if he had known the trouble it would have caused, there was nothing he could have or would have done differently. Fear was real and, in the case of crumbling old houses, healthy. Still, having fear didn't mean you had to give into it, and courage was merely knowing when to face it and when to walk away. Looking over at his family, Adam only knew one thing for sure; no fear would ever keep him from protecting them. Ever.

* * *

So? What do you think?

I eagerly await your feedback while I continue my one-short series.

**UP NEXT:** "_The Meaning of Forgiveness_" starring Hoss Cartwright :)


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